if i need to rearrange my particles i will for you

It’s been a while since I started a post without a “this is going to be a bummer/no positive updates over here” disclaimer but I am happy to report that things have changed. Kind of…this actually isn’t a complete bummer of an update but it might make you feel some feels, which is completely understandable. I’ve been feeling the feels since I started working on it a few weeks ago…

I’ve worked my way up to brewing at work (I work at a brewery, which is a relevant detail) and earlier this year had the incredible opportunity to brew on a collaboration with Bottleshare, the same organization that worked with my brewery to create a fundraiser to help me after Taylor died. There is absolutely nothing about the last two and a half years of my life that I ever expected to happen. As far as I was concerned I had my life planned out without really accepting it could all change. And…that’s exactly what happened. My life took a drastic change for the worse. But then there was a group of folks who came in when I needed it the most. A bunch of people were just there. They were there for me, there for our family. Just there to make sure we all made it to see another day. The family and friends who helped pack and organize a move so I never had to go back to mine and Taylor’s house. The friends who, without any hesitation, came to visit me every day after work to make sure I wasn’t alone all while dealing with their own grief over losing T. There are so many people who may have known me but might not have known Taylor,  or may not have known me but did know Taylor, who donated to the fundraiser that helped me survive the worst thing ever. This collaboration was my chance to give back and attempt to return the support and love I felt after losing my husband. Losing your spouse shouldn’t be anything anyone experiences. It’s really, really shitty and I wish I didn’t have the firsthand knowledge to confirm it. If there is any positive from this post it’s to know you can help folks who find themselves in the unimaginable situation I was in back in 2019. The collaboration I was part of helps other people in the industry who are experiencing a hardship. I honestly don’t think there is any way for me to express how thankful I am for the support I received after Taylor died. It took a lot of stress off of my plate and I’m so grateful to be here to experience everything coming back full circle. Now get ready for a bunch of pictures because I am feeling all of the feelings ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

Taylor and I having a beer at SSBC with some of our favorite folks

I sure do miss that guy more than anything and I know I’m not the only one who feels that way. Taylor had a way of making sure everyone was having a great time and it is still hard to believe we’ve spent two and a half years without that positive, fun-loving person here with us.

The collab crew, minus a few out of town folks

I feel like it is only fair that I give you an update on my life and unfortunately that is where this post takes a turn like the last ones (unless you felt all of the feelings with the pics earlier). Things are….ok? I’m in a much better place than the last two and a half years but I’m still dealing with the OCD and the anxiety, depression, and insomnia that I’ve had since Taylor passed away. But I’m doing my best to work on it and that should be good enough. It is for me, at least, and it has taken me a long time to feel comfortable saying it.

Pretending like I have it all together. Or not. My face says otherwise

What an update, amirite? Probably not where you expected it to go, although TBH it’s probably better than the last few posts, but I hope it was still helpful. Or inspirational. Or whatever the point of my writing has been. Regardless, cheers to Taylor, to my incredible family and friends, and to every single person who was able to lend support with this collaboration. It was the most fun I’ve had at work in a long, long time ever. And that is a pretty great feeling.

Collaboration label. The beer release was on 2/22/22, the week of the brewery’s 90’s themed anniversary party

If you are interested in donating to Bottleshare, follow this link and let ‘er rip tater chip. If you’re over the age of 21, live in the Atlanta area/can pick up your online order, and want to buy a 4 pack of our collab beer then follow this link. If you want to support the cause but maybe can’t donate or purchase please feel free to share this post. I’ll be forever grateful and I know that the folks Bottleshare helps going forward will feel the same. Let’s raise glasses and save asses!! 

For more information/updates on Bottleshare check out their Facebook and Instagram pages. If, for whatever reason, you want updates on this big ol’ loser and some of the beer stuff I work on then give me a follow on Instagram.

A

I know I usually include the title inspiration at the beginning of my posts but it felt weird this time because the song really hits close to home with how Taylor died. Please give it a listen, though. It is absolutely worth it

2 thoughts on “if i need to rearrange my particles i will for you

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